I25 (tune: "9 to 5")

Here in Valencia we're startin' to cheer up

Looks like traffic is goin' to clear up

And maybe Main Street will come back to life

No longer will it take us eons to drive from Wal Mart to Dion's

Thanks to that new exchange on I twenty five

That new exit from the I It's sure gonna be a blessin'

Traffic jams will die And here's what I am guessin'

No more waiting to turn 'till your head aches

And you'll finally get to make a left at Blake's!

Keepin'  from cussin' will take less will pow'r

Main Street won't be a parkin' lot at rush hour

And maybe it'll be fun again to drive

Traffic will increase its pace

It'll still jam up

BUT IN A BRAND NEW PLACE

Cause we're gettin' a new exchange on I twenty five

Cliff, New Mexico (tune: "Beverly Hillbillies")

Come and lissen to my story 'bout Jerry and his wife

Ever'body though tthey lived a quiet little life

But below the surface of Cliff, New Mexico

They were millionaire art thieves, which just goes to show

Ya never know, do ya?

So here is the story of their big art theft

When they cut it from the frame, there wasn't nothin' left

Worth a hundred million, a real nice haul

But when they took it home, they jus' hung it on the wall

Right behind a door where nobody could see it but their own selves

And then they never tried to sell it Didn't care about the dough

Seems they just liked the way it looked and so.

They kep' it fer theirselves in their own bedroom

It was their own little personal, private deKoon

--ing, that is. Twentieth century Dutch expressionist

For thirty two years till the day they died

No one else was ever allowed inside

Then a dealer made an estate sale stop

Took a likin' to the paintin' and bought it for his shop

Didn't know what he had until

At the dealer's shop, it was recognized

And when he checked it out, the dealer was surprised

A stolen paintin' worth a hundred mill' or more

It scared him half to death jus' to keep it in his store.

He hid it in the only room that had its own lock. The john.

When he called up the museum, they couldn't believe

And when they got it back, they were so relieved

They were glad to see it, safe from harm,

And they finally put in . . . a burglar alarm

'Bout time, too.

Y'all come back now, y'hear?

Something New to Tax      (tune: "ItsyBitsy .. Bikini")

We're experimenting with a new sales tax    It's a clever idea because it's small

It's a new concept we're trying     And we hope you won't notice at all

Two  three  four Tell these guys how smart you are

It's just an itsy bitsy tax that you will    never notice on your bill

But it adds up in Santa Fe.

It's not worth a fuss and holler     Just a few cents on the dollar

And if you don't notice that makes it O. K.

Eight  nine  ten    What's the problem with this plan?

It is a tax upon another tax    We're piling taxes up in stackses.

If we don't end this Where will it stop?

Next year, is my guess  when you pay the I. R. S.

Here's what they'll tell you at H and R Block:

Four  three  two   'Fraid she's got bad news for you

. . . Your ten-forty now is done And you're not getting a refund

That's bad enough, but there's something else as well

According to this diagram besides what you owe Uncle Sam

There's a tax on your tax  that you owe Aunt Michelle.

Eight  nine  ten   Bye-bye now this is the end!

The Devil Went Down to Otero 

(tune: "Devil Went Down to Georgia")

Now the devil went down to Otero

Just to cause some trouble, son

Makin' folks get all heated

Thinkin' they'd been cheated

Even tho' their candidate won

Then they heard about the Cyber Ninjas

And they thought "We hope

They can do for us What they did for those folks

Out in Maricope"

Well, a deal was made for fifty K

And the audit then got under way

going door-to-door

Asking "Who'd ya vote for?"

And some folks said "Bleep off. No way!"

But the County Commissioners

Gave the auditors full support

That is, until the Ninjas gave their final report:

 (And they said)

"Maybe some votes were stolen

But we can't confirm that heist

If it happened, we didn't hear it

Maybe it was a spirit

Might 'a been a POLLtergeist!"

Putin (tune: "Puttin'on the Ritz")

A year ago spring                             There was a thing

Where tensions flared                    And we were scared

Out of our wits                                 Putin on the Blitz

We found out Vlad                          Is one bad comrade

We warned him each day              From Ukraine away

To keep his mitts                             Putin on the Blitz

He said he wanted peace,              And tried to explain

But that turned out to be               A piece of Ukraine

 (For shame!)

It's still not done                              Don't know who won

But he's gonna stay                         And so this may

Be good as it gets                            Putin on the Blitz

Putin on the Blitz

Here Come the Californians    (tune: "Hotel California")     

On a New Mexico highway,                     cool wind in my hair

Warm smell of green chiles,                    rising up through the air

Up ahead in the distance                         A local Karen blocked the way

She was shakin' her head                         and wavin' her fist

And I thought I heard her say:

No welcome here, for Californians                  

It's a lovely place.                                      Wanna keep it that way.     

No room here for Californians               

Whenever you show up                           Property taxes go up

We've already got enough                       California stuff.

Don't want Valencia to be                       Another Orange County

No more room for Californians              

Make a Uturn you all                                With that big UHaul   

Can't take no more Californians

Please cooperate                                       Don't make us build a wall around the state.

We've filled our quota for Californians

But if something opens up, bro                        We'll be sure to let you know

Hillary  (tune: "My Bonnie")

We've had thirty three years of the Clintons

A third of a century

But some think that's still not sufficient

Those people keep saying to me:

Bring back, bring back,

Bring back the Clintons, they're what we need.

But   I   can't buy     it;

I'm suff'ring from Clinton fatigue.

We  shouldn't elect  a new Clinton.

Though one  time I thought that we should

Cause just like they say about movies

The sequel  is never as good.

So I say      

Turn back, turn back

You cannot inherit the Presidency

The Clinton line must be stopped in time

Or we'll end up with President Chelsea.

Backyard Chickens (tune: "Yankee Doodle")

I am a backyard chicken farmer,             Proud and independent.

I stand for Freedom of Poultry.                         It's in the "Henth" Amendment!

Don't try to confiscate my chicks, or               You will face my rooster

And when he's done with you you will Feel much worse than you usedter!

Chickens give us thighs and wings,                  But a doubt still lingers.

Where does my fav'rite part come from?      'Cause chickens don't have fingers

"Pecking order", "Rule the roost",                   "Fly the coop" and "hit the hay".

Why if it weren't for chickens                            We'd have hardly any clichés!

I'm all for legalization.                                        'Cause it makes no sense to me

A law that makes "fowl" felons of                    Your neighbors in the city.

If you deny my plea you will                              Have problems like the dickens,

'Cause when chickens are outlawed                Only outlaws will have chickens!

Stewart      (tune: "What a Wonderful World")

Don’t know much about spelling rules

Not so good for the head of schools

I'd never been to New Mexico

Never seen a real Navajo

But Michelle had faith in me

And so now, as you can see,

I'm the "hed" of the P. E. D.

Don't know New Mexico geography

Can't pronounce "Poe ah Joe ah cue ee"

Don't know Santa Fe or Albuquerque

But how diff'rent from Philly could they possibly be?

But even if I can't spell

I'm the guy who was picked by Michelle

And I'm sure as I can be

I can move us on up . . .

to fifty.

In your face, D.C.!

King Rex (tune: "God Save the King")       

Through years of work and toil

We've been steadfast and loyal

And now they're spoiled

They may be elegant

But they're irrelevant

Expensive  white  elephants

Let's dump the royals

What I propose comes next

Will be better in all respects

For British subjects

Cuter and sleeker,

He is a keeper

And so much  cheaper,

God save King Rex.

The Corona Blues  (tune: "Milk Cow Blues")

When I used to think Corona, I thought of salt and lime

But now when I think "corona" I think "hydroxichloroquine"

This new kind of Corona has ruined beer for me

Now when I think Corona I think"Can't get no T. P."

So I started shopping round for masks and sanitizer

Don't know if they really help or if it's just bull fertilizer

This new kind of Corona is the worst by far.

Can't even drown my troubles Cause they've closed down all the bars.

The Rolling Stones cancelled their concert and the way I heard the story

It was cause they're in the "elderly at risk"category

Now I believe in science but I gotta ask

How can I follow Doctor Fauci if he can't make up his mind about masks?

Well I can't go to a rest'rant and I can't go dancing

And I really need a hug but there's that "social distancing"

This new kind of Corona has put my social life in a slump

Had to say goodnight to my girlfriend with a tender fist bump

I can't go out to eat and I can't go to the movies

I can't go on a date cause anybody might have cooties

I used to love Corona before it was a disease

But now I'm gonna dump Corona and stick to Dos Equis

Sanding with the Legislature (tune: "Mr. Sandman")                              

Mister Sandman, (Yes)                   did you cut my pay?

Let's just say "sanded",                  it sounds nicer that way.

Or if you prefer we can say            "whittled" or "pruned" it

"Gave it a shave and haircut"        then "fine=tuned" it.             But . . .

Not to worry,                                    we only "peeled" it or "skinned" it.

"Diluted" it and                                then we "thinned" it.

It's not cut,                                        it's only "nicked"

Why am I feeling                              that I've been tricked?

'Stead of thinking                             that you've been had

Just change the wording, and       you'll feel less bad

But what you have done                is not very nice, sir.

We only ran it through the            "slice-and-dicer".

You'll feel better,     (Well,)           why don't you try it?

Think of your pay as on a               "low-fat diet".

You won't feel                                  demoralized

If we say your pay has just been   "snipped" a little bit in,

We can say it's only been               "circumcised".

The Trump Rider  (tune: "Ghost Riders in the Sky")

A man named Coy Griffin was a cowboy wannabe

I guess he missed his wrangling days    out there in gay Paree

So he named himself "Cowboys for Trump" and he tried his best to stop

Joe Biden taking office by providing a photo op?

Yippee Yi Yay Yippee Yi Yee            The Trump Rider in D. C.

Since that little incident on January Six

Our boy's life is not going well, he's taken sev'ral licks

and now he's been convicted (though he won't do any time)

He should not have posted selfies, while committing a crime

Yippee Yi Yay Yippee Yi Yee The Trump Rider in D. C.

When threatened with removal from the office that he loved

He really didn't take it nearly seriously enough

He was his own attorney Cause his ego was so giant.

He had a fool for a lawyer And a bigger fool for a client.

Yippee Yi Yay Yippee Yi Yee The Trump Rider    in      D. C.

Ted Cruz (tune: "Kokomo")                              

There's a man we know                 and here's his motto

"When the goin' gets tough                    that is the time to go

Way down to Mexico"

Cancun's where he's goin'             while back home it's snowin'

His state's in disorder                     so he's runnin for the border

And where he has chosen              only Daiquiries are frozen

But while he's away                        we'll get the last laugh         After all

cause that's when we'll build        that lovely border wall.

And now that we know him                    The next time it starts snowin

We'll be the winner                         'cause we won't let him reenter

To him, our advice is                       if there's another crisis

"Don't pack light                                        and take more than just a carry  on,

Cause the next time you slip away         Ya' better plan to stay!"

Oklahoma (tune: "Oklahoma")

We ran to Oklahoma

just to spend the money that we took

We thought we'd live there without a care

Cause the cops would never think to look

in Shawnee         Oklahoma

Ev'ry night we'd sit out on the lawn

We were laying low and saving dough

Cause there's not much there to spend it on!

I know that a crook's what I am.

But those old folks were easy to scam.

And we thought we

Were safe there in Shawnee

Cause we would never

open the door in the daytime except

To let Mandy out to pee.

Bad dog, Mandy!    How could you do that to Mommy and Daddy?

Workin' from Home    (tune: "9 to 5")

Tumble outta bed and stumble to the kitchen        Pour myself a cuppa ambition

 And yawn and stretch and try to come alive

Jump in the shower and the blood starts pumping Out on the street the traffic is jumping

With those other poor slobs who've got to make that drive   

NOT ME!   'Cause I'm workin'

Virtual from home What a gift for gals like me!

Don't have to brush or comb And I can binge watch on TV

All alone in my room It's phenomenal

When your meeting's on Zoom Pants are optional 

Work from home         What a way to make a livin'

'Stead of runnin' round         I'm just sittin' in my kitchen

Guess the downside is          That with all the extra snackin'

Fifteen extra pounds   I'm already packin'.

Work from home,        No I never can go back now.

I'll just work from home       Guess I'll have another snack now.

I'll just work from home,                If they force me back to my station

Then I'll join the  Great Resignation!

Mm mmm mm! Wonder if there's any of that mint choc'late chip left?

Bernie's Book  (tune: "This Old Man")

This old man                           has a reputation

The best known socialist      in the nation

You'd think he'd scoren        running after wealth

But he's cool with it              when he's doing it himself

Chasing money                      is the way

To damnation                         Socialists say.

It's a problem                         Bernie has a way to get around

"It's OK when I do it             'Cause my principles are sound."

What do you mean?             W wealth deserves blame

Your new book                       Makes that claim

You charge so much              To listen to you tout it

"Well . . . ,   It's OK to get rich,     Long as you feel bad about it"

Willie (tune: "On the Road Again")

On the road again.

I just can't wait to get on the road again.

Gotta think how to convince the

Doctor that I am

Ready to get on the road again.

On the road again.

Doc says I can't be high

when I'm goin' down that highway

With all my friends

I just gotta find myself a brand new by way

So this is my way

To get on the road again.

Won't smoke no more pot recreationally

From now on it's strictly       medical for me

And that's my plan to get on the road again.

That's my plan to get on the road again.

This State (tune: "This Land")

This state is your state

This state is my state

From Colorado

Down to the border

From Arizona

Way out to Texas

This state was made for you and me

This state is your state

This state is my state

From Colorado

Down to the border

From Arizona

Way out to Texas

This state was made for you and me

This state was made for you and me