SARAH

· Hello, everyone. My name is Sarah Raup and on behalf of Valencia County's community theater group "The Mansion Players" I want to welcome all of you to our latest edition of "Roundhouse Rock".

· This is our musical comedy sketch show in which we use song parodies to comment on current events and people in the news in Valencia County and the State of New Mexico, as well as both national and international personalities and news stories.

· We've been putting on a new version of this show almost every year now for 11 years, and usually the events we sing about are things that happened just in the past year since our last show. But we haven't had a show in several years now, since no one was having any public gatherings, so we have a little backlog. The songs you hear tonight will include some of the highlights, and lowlights, of the pandemic years. along with songs about some more recent events.

· One more thing: we make every effort to be even-handed in our shows. 

· Some of our songs will poke fun at Democrats, and other songs ridicule Republicans, and most are non-partisan. 

· We just try to point out -- and make fun of -- the quirks, misdeeds, and just plain silliness that are part of people and public affairs everywhere.

· To re-phrase the motto of "The Capitol Steps", the national group that inspired us: WE WANT TO KEEP THE "MOCK" IN DEMOCRACY

· Peggy, will you get us started?

PEGGY

· The whole population of Valencia County was overjoyed when we heard that thanks to the oil windfall money in the state budget, money for a new, second exit from I-25 into Los Lunas, has been appropriated, including a new bridge over the Rio Grande.

· Then almost immediately, we were let down, when we heard that since that money had been allocated, inflation has increased the cost of the project, and now we're 75 million dollars short of the money to build it.

· Still, we've decided to take the optimistic view that the money will eventually come from somewhere And somehow the project will be built And so we're going to focus on how great this is going to be, and how it will reduce the terrible traffic Main Street.

· We think.

PEGGY SONG

PEGGY

· Of course, it's going to take some of our residents, like say Andy here, a little while to get used to the new road. 

· The other day, for example, I called his cell to warn him because I knew he was coming back from Albuquerque on I25.

· "Be careful! I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I25."

ANDY:

· "Yeah, that's right.  But it's not just one car. There’s hundreds of them!"

***

· ANDY: The other day, a cop on I25 pulled over a woman and, although she looked like a sweet little old lady, he followed his training and started with a question for his own safety.

· HARRY: "Ma'am, do you have any weapons in your vehicle?"

· MARIE: "Yes, officer, I have a 22 in my glove compartment."

· HARRY: "OK, anything else?"

· MARIE: "I have a shotgun in my trunk."

· HARRY: (a little surprised) "Is that all?"

· MARIE: "No, there's a 357 in my purse."

· HARRY: "What are you afraid of?"

MARIE: "Not a damn thing, young man."

***

· HARRY: "Have a nice day, ma'am."

ANDY:  This just in:  Traffic jam on I25 near the Los Lunas exit after a semi-tractor/trailer overturned spilling a large load of wigs and toupees. Traffic is backed up for miles while police are still combing the area.

***

Cathy

· Last year, a documentary named "The Thief Collector" was filmed in New Mexico. It's now been shown at various film festivals and is expected to be available to stream soon.

· I've watched it, and it's fascinating. The story involves two schoolteachers from Queens, New York -- Jerry and Rita Alter – who retired and moved to Cliff, New Mexico, which is a very tiny rural town near Silver City. In the last census, its population was 203.

· The Alters lived a quiet life in Cliff until they died in 2017. Based on what happened next, they are now the main -- really the only – suspects in one of the biggest art thefts of the century, in which a painting by Villum deKooning, worth 160 million dollars, was taken from a very poorly-secured art museum in Tucson, and remained missing for over thirty years.

· Here's the whole story

CATHY - SONG

TED

· Remember back in March when a couple of large banks -- one in California and one in New York -- had to close because they "ran out of money"?

· In the end it worked out OK, thank goodness, But for a few days, a lot of people were scared that this might spread.

· And I was one of them. In fact, while all this was going on

· I went down to the ATM to take out one hundred dollars. And when the screen said "Insufficient Funds",

TED

· I wasn't sure if it was me . . or them.

***

Sarah

· It can be hard to select the "worst" new development during the Pandemic, but I think I've got a very strong candidate here. Because last year, the taxation and revenue people realized one of their most cherished dreams.

Sarah

· They found something new to tax.

***

· And this time it's almost unbelievable.  They want to tax the money that you spend on taxes! No, I'm not kidding.  You heard that right. They're taxing a tax. Here's how it's working.

· As you may know, cannabis buyers have to pay a 12% tax on their purchases, in addition to the standard sales tax which is about 8%, depending on where you live in the state. 

· Well, two years ago, the New Mexico Taxation and Revenue Department sent out a memo explaining that the dispensaries had to first add the cannabis tax to the purchase, and then calculate the sales tax based on the total of both of those -- the purchase plus the cannabis tax. 

· Yep. Uh huh. They actually told the dispensaries to charge their customers sales tax on the cannabis tax. Of course, it's only a small tax on any one purchase -- something like 8% of 12%, or only about a penny per dollar. You might not even notice it, right? But over a lot of purchases, that can really add up. 

· Many dispensaries up until now had been calculating each tax separately against only the purchase price, and as a result they’ve been told that they owe the state many thousands of extra tax dollars.

· But of course, however large or "itsy-bitsy, teenie-weenie" small the actual amounts involved may be, that's much less important than the principle here. Once you start taxing a tax, where does that stop?

· To discuss this, we have brought in a panel of specialists:

· a representative from the revenue department up in Santa Fe,

· a taxpayer advocate,

· and an expert from the H&R Block tax preparation firm

PEGGY TED HARRY CATHY SONG

Sarah

· During this year's session, the New Mexico Legislature tried to pass a bill that would, for the first time, pay a salary to legislators. Right now, we are the only state that doesn't pay its legislators, although they do get a daily per diem of about $200 to pay for personal expenses while they are in Santa Fe. Similar bills to pay legislators a salary have been introduced many times in the past, but have never passed. And this bill didn't make it, either. So for now, I guess the issue is a "dead duck". And that reminded me of a story.

· A woman carried a limp duck into a veterinarian.  The vet took out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a few moments, the vet shook his head and said, "I’m sorry, ma'am. Your duck has died." "Are you sure?" said the woman, very upset.

· "Yes, ma'am, I'm certain. This is a dead duck." "But what if he's just in a coma or something?  You haven’t done any tests or anything."

· The vet rolled his eyes, then whistled, and a large black Labrador Retriever ran into the room. The dog stood on his hind legs, put his paws on the examination table, and gently smelled the duck. He then shook his head and looked up at the vet with mournful eyes.

· The veterinarian patted the dog on the head and walked it out of the room. Then he returned a few minutes later with a beautiful Persian cat. The cat hopped onto the table and smelled the bird from head to tail. Then it looked up, shook its head, softly meowed, and then walked out of the room.

· The vet went to his computer terminal, pressed a few buttons, and printed out a bill, which he presented to the woman. The duck’s owner looked at the bill and said "What!!  $350 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

Sarah

· "I'm sorry. The cost would have been $20 if you'd just taken my word for it,

· But you really ran the price up when you demanded a Lab Report and a Cat Scan."

***

ANDY

· One of the hottest topics in national politics -- still -- is the back-and-forth about whether or not the 2020 election was stolen. And of course some New Mexicans decided to get involved.

· Otero County is, as you know, in Southeastern New Mexico. And it's heavily Republican.  In 2020, it voted for Trump almost 2-to-1.  But that wasn't good enough for the county commissioners, who apparently thought Trump should have done even better.  So they hired a company to search for possible fraud. The company they hired was associated with the "CyberNinjas". You may remember seeing pictures of the CyberNinjas in Phoenix re-counting the paper ballots in Maricopa County.

· But in Otero the work wasn't limited to a re-count of the paper ballots. A group of volunteers calling itself an "audit force" started going door to door and questioning voters.  They asked residents if they voted, and if so, who they voted for.  As you can imagine, many voters complained. Some said that the questioners had represented themselves as government officials.

· But even with all that, the final report found no evidence of fraud And perhaps because the County Commissioners didn't get the answer they wanted, they refused to pay the entire amount of the original contract -- they paid less than $10,000 of the original $50,000.

· It was such a silly mess that I, for one, think something supernatural may have been going on.

HARRY SONG

TED

· Let me start by saying that I don't think there's anything funny about the Ukrainian war.  But we've got a song about it that we just couldn't resist because we love puns so much. More about that later.  First let me set the scene for you.

· Remember when Putin said he didn't have any plans to invade Ukraine? 

TED

· Well, turns out he may have been telling the truth.

***

· 'Cause it's clear that if Putin even did have a plan, he certainly made some miscalculations.  He thought he could fight what they call a "Blitz" war -- a Blitzkrieg -- which means a lightning fast strike that defeats the enemy in only a few days with minimal losses to the aggressor. That was obviously a mistake, because now we're more than a whole year into it.

· As for Putin, he's developed an international reputation as a predator.

· Like a couple of weeks ago when he attended a conference in Finland. 

· The Customs Officer asked him the usual questions:

· "Name?"

· "Vladimir Putin"

· "Residence?"

· "Moscow, Russia."

· "Occupation?"

TED

· "No, no.  Just here for the conference."

***

· And now, that song I promised you.

TED SONG

TED

· Now, I've just got to tell you this little true story. I was talking to my Gen Z niece about the war and I mentioned that it could turn out to be Armageddon. She was not impressed.

CATHY

· Big deal. Armageddon?  I don't even know what that means,

· But . . . it's not like it's the end of the world or anything.

***

PEGGY

· OK, I'm just going to come out and say what a lot of people are thinking:

· "Californians are crazy."  The most recent example of this, of course,

· is the state mandate that no more gasoline-powered cars can be sold in California two years from now. 

· This announcement was followed just weeks  later by instructions to Californians

· not to plug in their electric vehicles during the daytime,

· because the power grid couldn't handle it. 

***

· So a lot of Californians have "voted with their feet" in the past few years

· by moving out of the state. 

· This "California Exodus" is spreading a lot of anxiety in the rest of the country.

PEGGY

· These days, the only thing that scares a New Mexican more than a Texan with skis, is a  Californian with a moving van.

***

PEGGY SONG

TED

· Late last month, another story came out of California that some people thought was just another example of that West-Coast wackiness. A new law was passed that made it legal to grind up human remains And use them for compost.

TED

· Environmentalists were very enthusiastic about the new law, And so were the California Mafia.

***

Cathy

· Well, right it now looks like the election next year is likely to be between Trump and Biden.  But in each party, there are some who want to dump those front-runners and look for new blood. Personally, I agree.

Cathy

· I think that the problem we're having here shows we may have taken this "anyone-can-grow-up-to-be-President" thing too far.

***

Cathy

· Now last  year, at least for a little while, it looked like Biden might have a challenger. Hillary Clinton seemed  to be hinting at the possibility of making another run for the presidency.  And some Democrats were backing her. 

· After all, Biden's not very popular and Democrats are scared that Trump might be able to beat him. But though I've supported both Bill and Hillary in the past, I don’t think Hillary should run again, and here's why:

Cathy SONG

SARAH

· We've been doing this show almost every year for over a decade now: since 2012. And ever since that very first show, we've included this song, and here it is again: our most-performed song.

ANDY

· Recently, a couple of communities in the county, Cypress Gardens east of Los Lunas, and the Mid Valley Airpark on 314, have both been asked by their residents to legalize the raising of backyard chickens.

· Confidentially, we've heard that quite a few of the residents of these areas are already raising backyard chickens, just as are citizens all over the county.

ANDY

· I happen myself to live in of one of those subdivisions, and frankly, I applaud all those illegal chicken farmers.

· (I mean, "undocumented chicken farmers")

***

ANDY

· They're showing that good old American spirit "Freedom from tyranny" "Don't tread on me!" "Better dead than Rhode Island Red".

***

ANDY SONG

HARRY

· Poor old New Mexico.  We're at the bottom of so many rankings. Things like education (more on that later) child welfare crime and several other categories And sadly, it looks like there are groups in the state who'd like to see us rank lower in another category: public utility customer service

· I say this because those groups are supporting a merger between PNM -- the New Mexico electric utility -- and uh-VAN-grid, an out-of-state  utility company that wants to buy PNM. uh-VAN-grid itself is owned by another company that is headquartered in Spain -- completely out of the country.

· Now as a general rule, I oppose having our utilities administered by companies that are so far away. I think that is bound to make them less responsive to our local needs. And in this case, I think we have proof of that.

· uh-VAN-grid is the largest power company in Maine, and for the last several years, its customers there have rated it so poorly that it is the absolute lowest rated company in the entire United States, according to J.D. Power, the giant polling and data analysis company.

· The proposed merger failed to win approval from the Public Regulation Commission (the PRC) already. And their poor record of reliability and customer service was a large part of that decision. But now several groups are asking the New Mexico Supreme Court to require the PRC to re-consider that decision.

· I'm not in favor of a reconsideration at all, But if there is one, I hope the merger is rejected again. Let's not hire a company with a proven record of poor performance, and one where you have to go to muh-DRID to register a complaint! Not MAD-rid right over here, mah-DREED!  In SPAIN!

ANDY

· Well, I agree with you, Harry. It reminds me of the other day when I experienced the WORST customer service ever. I don’t want to mention the name of the store, but a couple of days ago I bought something there and paid cash for it. I took it home and that night I found out it didn’t work.

· So the next day, less than 24 hours later, I took it back and the store told me "No Refund", even though I still had the receipt! I asked if I could get a replacement instead then. The clerk again told me no. Then I asked for the manager and explained the situation. And he also said that I was just "out of luck".

ANDY

· I’ll tell you what… I am NEVER … buying another Lottery Ticket from that store.

***

Sarah

· And while we're on the subject of good lists and bad lists, New Mexico ranked 51st in public education last year. That's right, we were below not only every single other state, but even the District of Columbia, which has notoriously terrible public schools.

· Now part of the reason for New Mexico's terrible last-place listing in education Is the constantly-changing leadership at the state level. For years now, New Mexico has had a revolving door at the office of the Secretary of Public Education. And it just happened again in February when the current Secretary resigned after only a year and a half in the office. And at the same time, the deputy secretary Jacquelyn Archuleta-Staehlin (STAY-lin) resigned also, after a ridiculously short stay of only . . 8 days in office!

· Now she had received heavy criticism for her opposition to disability rights, even before she joined the P.E.D. and she was under a lot of pressure to resign.

Sarah

· But, you know, personally, I felt sorry for her. The poor thing had just barely finished updating her profiles on Facebook and Linked In.

***

Sarah

· But clearly this turmoil in the Public Education Department -- the P.E.D. -- has not been helpful to students and teachers in the state. We've gone through 7 heads of that department in the last 8 years -- Michelle alone has had 4 in 4 years -- and over all those years, our state has  continued to drop in education polls.

· Through those years, we've sung comic songs poking fun at most of the quickly-changing Public Education Secretaries, because they've earned it. But the secretary-before-before-last, Ryan Stewart, went in and out so quickly that we didn't even have time to mock him while we were not performing during the pandemic. 

· As if that could save you, Mr. Stewart! So here we go … 

ANDY

· Stewart was a controversial pick from the start, because Governor Lujan-Grisham fired a native New Mexican Hispanic woman from that position just months after she had hired her, and then the governor  replaced her with Dr. Stewart, who's from . . . .  Philadelphia?  

· In fact, after he got the job, he didn't even bother to move to New Mexico. He just "worked from home" back on the East Coast for months, until public outrage forced Michelle to make him move here.

· He had little experience with Latinos –  and pretty much no experience at all with Native Americans. And his experience in urban inner city schools wasn't much help in a mostly rural state like ours. Now of course, none of this meant that he couldn't do the job, so we were willing to give him a chance, but we were pretty rattled when he blew one of his very first tasks, which was the simple job of ordering his business cards, which said:

Ryan Stewart, PhD

Secretary of Educa-ton

· spelled E-D-U-C-A .. T-O-N

· That's right. He managed to mis-spell the word "education" on one of the very first, and most outwardly visible,

documents issued by his office. Of course everybody makes mistakes –  but it sure doesn't build confidence in his ability to focus on details. So of course we had to sing a little song making fun of the guy, right? 

HARRY SONG

· Of course, Stewart didn't stay any time at all – Just over a year, half of which was spent outside the state.  In fact, Stewart's behavior here left such a bad taste in the mouth of New Mexicans that the legislature passed a whole new law requiring cabinet members to live in the state But he did leave us with one good story.

· Cathy?

CATHY

· In that last song, I hope you caught that "Po-JOE-ah-cue-ee" was Stewart trying to pronounce "Pojoaque".

· And that's based on what happened when Stewart first visited Pojoaque.  Like almost everyone who goes there for the first time, he was a little baffled by the name, so when he stopped for lunch he asked the guy behind the counter "Say, how do you pronounce the name of this place, anyway?"

CATHY

· The teenager behind the register gave him a kind of funny look,

· then said very slowly and carefully:  "Burr ..  gurr ..  King"

***

· The newest Secretary of Education, by the way, is Arsenio Romero,

· who was previously the superintendent here in the Los Lunas District.

· He started just last March, so we'll see how long he lasts.

Sarah

· When Mark Ronchetti was running against Michelle Lujan-Grisham for the office of governor, he aired a lot of attack ads against her.Some of you may have seen the one that accused Michelle of making special exceptions for herself to her own lockdown rules. But you may not have known exactly what he was referring to Let us refresh your memory of that  incident.

· In April of 2020, Governor Lujan-Grisham issued a stay-at-home order.  Her order defined essential businesses to be food sellers, hardware stores, transportation repair, and cleaners. That was all. Everything else, such as jewelry stores, was considered non-essential and was not allowed to do any transactions, even delivery or curbside pickup.  You couldn't sell anything at all, if your business was not defined as essential

· Then Jessica Garate (GAH-rah-tay) at KRQE broke the story that the "gov" had called a jewelry store and made a purchase which was left curbside for someone else to pick up and bring to her. Many people saw that incident as a violation of her own lockdown rules. The gov, of course, didn't agree, and she had several explanations of why her actions were innocent. Her explanations didn't convince everyone, but she kept trying until finally she came up with a very simple -- and very clever -- plan to make her purchase completely legal. 

· We are very honored, here at Roundhouse Rock, that the gov is announcing her newest legalization plan right here live on our stage, direct from Santa Fe. So through a special televised hookup, we now present: the Governor of New Mexico, the honorable Michelle Lujan Grisham.

· Santa Fe?  Come in, Santa Fe.

Sarah

· And now we're going to take a 15 minute break during which you can visit the cookie table over here for a little dessert. The restrooms are in this building over here to your right, right inside the front door.

INTERMISSION and DESSERT

Sarah

· Of course we all mourn the passing of Queen Elizabeth the Second. She'd been queen since 1952, so most of us can't even remember any other monarch of England. And she was a wonderful role model of vigorous old age. She continued to fulfill many royal duties until her very last day. 

Sarah

· Also, she was one of the last living people to have witnessed the Dallas Cowboys win a Super Bowl.

***

Sarah

· But of course it's also natural, at this time of transition, for many to bring up the question of the monarchy as an institution.  Is there any reason, in modern days,

· for any country to have a royal family anymore? Some argue that supporting the royals

· costs the British taxpayers over 200 million dollars a year, and that in return they get very little value other than symbolic, ceremonial, or, frankly, entertainment value.

· So that got me thinking.  Here in America, we already have something like that: it's symbolic of something larger than itself, has no real functionality or responsibilities,

· dresses up in sometimes outlandish outfits, and engages in entertaining antics

· The sports mascot. What if Britain replaced the members of the royal family -- all of them -- with a mascot?  You know, like sports teams have. It would be a  lion, naturally.  He could be named "Rex". He could  perform pretty much all of the duties that are required of a British monarch.

SARAH

· He could: make inspirational speeches,  appear in parades, christen ships with champagne

*

· get caught in scandals or not   And he could almost certainly do better at staying out of scandals than the present royals do, right? The monarch also signs off on new laws passed by parliament, but since that's a purely ceremonial function, a paw-print should work just fine Of course, we'd have to change the traditional song of the monarchy. 

· Peggy has this suggestion:

PEGGY SONG

PEGGY

· My friend from London called me up the other day, and I asked her about the funeral. She said "You should 'ave seen the people lined up to pay respects to Her Majesty. The line was almost 10 miles long -- and everyone was so sad, almost desperate." And I know just how they must have felt. I've stood in the checkout line at WalMart myself,  ya know.

***

Sarah

· Nowadays Corona virus -- and its seemingly endless variants -- seems to be a regular part of life. But at least life has returned to somewhat normal. In fact, some people can hardly remember how bad it was a few years ago when the Corona virus first appeared.

· But we want to take you back to those early days with Harry singing a song that was written back then, When most people had never even heard of a virus named "Corona". Didn't know what it was. See if you remember what it was like, 

· As you listen to "The Corona Blues" from early 2020.

Harry SONG

ANDY

· At the special budget session in June 2020, back before we had the lovely surplus we have today, New Mexico legislators were facing the need to cut the budget wherever possible.  And of course legislators just hate cutting budgets.  And even more than that, they hate telling their constituents that they're going to suffer any cuts.

· So they came up with a little trick.  They found a way to avoid saying the word "cut", by instead saying "SAND".  Not "sand" as in the desert, but "sand" as in "I had to sand off the top of the door almost a quarter of an inch so it would close." So, for example, they didn't say "We're cutting 4% from state salaries" but rather "We're going to sand state salaries by 4%". 

· That's supposedly a kinder, gentler – and maybe slightly deceptive – way of saying "cut".  It's like calling layoffs "downsizing", or new taxes "revenue enhancement", or a stock crash a "market correction".

· Or how about the hilarious phrase that SpaceX engineers used to describe the recent explosion of their rocket: a "rapid unplanned disassembly".

· The lawmakers in Santa Fe seemed to believe that if you use a different term, you'll feel better about the cuts. Let's listen to one lawmaker try to explain this to a teacher whose paycheck is short. See if you can find all the words he's using to avoid saying the "C" word: "cut".

PEGGY TED SONG

TED

· One of the biggest stories in the national news in late summer/early fall last year was the FBI raid on the President's home in Florida. So of course we wanted to write a comic song about that. We really did. But turns out it's hard to find words that rhyme with "Mar-A-Lago". So we finally gave that up and decided instead to tell you a little story – the true story of the incident that first got law enforcement interested in what might be going on at Mar-A-Lago.

· After Trump left office, the staff at the National Archives noticed that some papers that should have been given to them had not shown up. Rumors began to circulate about the missing papers and where they might be. So a group of reporters from the national press corps chartered a bus and headed for Mar-A-Lago to look into the possibility that some of those missing documents might be there at the Trump residence.

· Tragically, only a few miles from the resort, the bus veered off the road and overturned. First responders rushed to the scene, where they found the bus mysteriously completely empty. Then they spotted Donald and Eric Trump already at the scene holding shovels, and Don Junior sitting on a bulldozer. A paramedic asked Trump "What happened to all the passengers?" Trump replied "They were all dead, so we buried them." Astonished, and a little skeptical, the paramedic asked "Do you mean every single one died?"

TED

· And Trump replied "Well, some of them claimed they weren't dead, but you know how the press lies!"

***

PEGGY

· And while we're on the subject: Donald Trump and Melania were having breakfast at Mar-a-Lago a couple of weeks ago. The waitress came up to the table and . . .

· PEGGY "What can I get for you today?"

· CATHY "Yoost frrroot, plizz."

· PEGGY "And what can I do for you?"

· TED  "How about a quickie this morning?"

· PEGGY "Mr. Trump! And right in front of your wife, too!"

CATHY

· "Dahlink, eez no 'kwee-kee'.  Eez pronounce 'quiche'."

***

Sarah

· Back in March, former Otero County Commissioner Couy ("Coy") Griffin got one of the few legal victories he's had lately.   He was found not guilty of failing to register as a political organization a pro-Trump group that he founded and was the head of. Now you may remember Mr. Griffin, at least by name, but you may not know his back story, so let me fill you in.

Sarah

· As a younger man, he appeared in a rodeo show in that famous center of cowboy culture: Euro-Disneyland

***

· in Paris, France WHOLE CAST:  Ooh-la-la!

· And although he has unsuccessfully  tried a few other careers -- like being a street preacher and running a barbecue restaurant -- he apparently still considers himself a cowboy at heart, so he founded a group that he called "Cowboys for Trump" And then he and 5 group members went up to Washington D.C. with their horses and rode around waving a flag.

· Well of course that was a very colorful visual opportunity for photographers so his picture made it into newspaper and TV stories everywhere. He participated in the events of January 6, also, And arranged to have himself videoed

· Unfortunately for Coy, those videos were used in evidence when he was later convicted of trespassing. After that, he was faced with a suit to remove him from office

In which he acted as his own defense attorney. That was probably not wise, because he lost.

HARRY SONG

Sarah

· Do you remember the "deep freeze" in our neighbor, Texas, early in 2021?  The electric grid failed, and many residents were left without heat or other electric power for days. Pipes burst, food couldn't be cooked, and people huddled under blankets to keep warm.  About 250 people actually died.

· Well, Texas Senator Ted Cruz quickly sprang into action and reacted to the crisis affecting his constituents by flying with his family to Cancun to escape it.  Many Texans saw this as Cruz flaunting his wealth and his ability and desire to dodge the problems of "the little people", With no thought or concern for his fellow citizens' seriously dangerous situation. He was widely shamed and ridiculed --- not just in Texas but across the country -- Until finally his concern for his public image forced him to return.

· But we think that our neighbors in Texas may not have handled this whole thing in the best way.  So we wrote a little song of advice to Texans, to the tune of a Beach Boys' hit We thought Andy could play the ukulele and sing while Cathy did a little hula in the background.

· But then it turned out that Cathy plays the uke and she wanted a chance to do the music So we made a little change to accommodate her. And now here she is to tell you how we think Texans should have handled the Ted Cruz situation.

CATHY SONG

Sarah

· Love the outfit, Andy!

· After all the economic chaos that the freeze caused in our neighbor state, it's good to see that Texas has pretty much recovered. And it's even better to see signs that the economy in Valencia County is doing well.

· One of those signs is the new Starbucks on Main Street in Los Lunas, down by Smith's. And another new Starbucks is going up in Belen!

· Personally, though, I don't  patronize Starbucks much. I prefer to just create my own Starbucks -- both the coffee and the atmosphere -- at home.  Here's how I do that. First of course, I make myself coffee. But then, to really capture the full experience of a visit to Starbucks, I shout out my own name (mispronounced of course)

Sarah

· And then I burn a $10 bill.

***

PEGGY

· Two of the most depraved criminals in the state are now in prison -- again. I'm not talking about some mass murderers -- I'm talking about Susan and William Harris from Albuquerque. Susan was the president of Ayudando Guardians which managed the finances of elderly people. She and her husband stole over 11 million dollars from thousands of their unsuspecting clients, leaving many destitute, and spent it on a lavish lifestyle.

· After they were found guilty, they just disappeared and didn't show up for their sentencing hearing last year. But it didn't take very long to find them,

· because they didn't run very far. Like many criminals, they weren't very smart or imaginative in looking for a place to hide, so not only did they not run far, but they made the mistake of taking their dog with them.

· Cops who were keeping a watch on their suspected hideout, based on a tip, spotted the unsuspecting canine stool pigeon out on the lawn doing her business. And then the cops, who had just been waiting for confirmation that they had the right address, swooped in.

· The Harrises have now lost their plea deal and been sentenced to even more time in federal prison. Susan is 74 and, including the extra time for the attempted escape, has been sentenced to 47 years.  She'll have to serve a third of that before she's eligible for parole, so she will most likely die in prison, as will her husband.

· And all because they made a very poor decision when they decided to make a run for it not to a far-off country with no extradition treaty, but rather to ….

· Well, I'll let Bill Harris tell you himself.  Bill, come on out here, boy! 

TED SONG

ANDY:

· Inflation is huge news these days, so I thought we should at least mention it in a current events show. But honestly, inflation hasn't been all bad for me.

· I've found that women are attracted to men who have money to spend and power.

· And that works out for me, because I just paid my electric bill.

PEGGY

· Well, inflation has been a little bit of a problem for me. I love those "all-you-can-eat" salad bars, but they've gotten so expensive lately, And that makes me want all the more to "get my money's worth".

· So, last week, I went up to 'Souper Salad' in Albuquerque and really over-indulged in cucumbers and kale. But it's going to be OK, 'Cause this weekend I'm doing a Snickers cleanse.

ANDY

· Gas prices are making me sick.  It's the latest variant of the "car owner" virus.

***

· So these days, I usually shop around for the best prices, but it's gotten harder.

· Do you know anywhere you can get gas for under 3 dollars?

PEGGY

· How about Taco Bell?

SARAH

· My situation is a little more serious. I'm 24 now, and health insurance is so expensive that I'm still on my mother's policy. But that will only last a couple more years, until I turn 26.

· Then I'll have to find a new mother.

***

PEGGY

· The rumor I heard was that inflation has gotten so bad that Exxon had to lay off 25 Congressmen.

ANDY

· But here's the thing.  Despite the crazy cost of living …It remains popular!

CATHY

· Well, the good news is that, at last, it looks like the pandemic is finally over. And thank God for that, because it was a terrible time in so many ways. But there were a few good things that came out of it, too, and looks like some of those are going to stay with us.

· For example, I was able to find a job that allowed me to work from home. And though I loved it, it did have a   . . . little downside . . .that I'm going to tell you about.

CATHY SONG

Sarah

· Some of you probably remember seeing Bernie Sanders at the Biden inauguration. It was very cold and he was dressed like this, And he made giant mittens a brief national fad.

· Of course he was already famous as the best-known Sociality in America. In late February, he released a book called "It's OK to be Angry about Capitalism". And then he went on a national speaking tour to tout his book sales.  Tickets to hear him denounce capitalistic greed were . . . $95 apiece. So how it Bernie handling the apparent contradiction here?

TED SONG

HARRY

· Recreational marijuana has finally been legalized in New Mexico! So now Willie Nelson can hold concerts here!

· That's a joke, of course, but actually a lot of people here have been worried that we'll never have another chance to see a live concert by Willie Nelson in New Mexico,

since Willie, on doctor's orders, has had to cut back on touring in the last several years.

· Seems his doctor is worried that Willie, who is of course a famous user and promoter of marijuana,  Can't handle it anymore. So Willie's doctor advised him to either cut out his pot habit or stop touring.  And it seems Willie's insurers won't cover the tour unless his doctor gives the O.K.

· But not to worry, Willie has a plan to do what he needs to do to get "On the Road Again".

· Let's bring him out now to tell us about it.

CATHY SONG

SARAH

· We're almost finished with the show now, but first, as members of the New Mexico entertainment community, we feel that we should address one of the major events that occurred in our community this year.

· We were all shaken when we heard of the tragic shooting on the set of the movie Rust outside Santa Fe. Some think it was a simple accident Others said it was such reckless sloppiness as to amount to criminal behavior.

· In the end, the prosecutor in Santa Fe decided not to pursue the case against Alec, which we support, because we have always stood behind Our fellow actor Alec Baldwin.

SARAH

· It's much safer than standing in front of him.

***

HARRY

· Well, we've had some laughs tonight poking fun at New Mexico, but hey, we all love this state. It's the Land of Enchantment, right?

· ANDY:  Yeah, as in "Eeoow! Watch out, there's some Enchantment over there. Don't step in it!"

· HARRY:  Oh, come on!

· ANDY:  No, really. At this point, the people in Roswell are looking forward to the next alien visit --  not as an abduction, but as a rescue mission.

***

HARRY

· C'mon, you know you love it here. This is our state -- yours and mine. And we can work together to fix its problems. And that's what this next song is about.

· We're going to sing to the tune of "This Land Is Your Land", and I'll bet you already know it. We'll get you started, and then we'd like everyone to join in! The words to our version of the song are printed on the back of your program.

ALL SING

Sarah

· And that's the last song for our show tonight so now I'd like all the performers to introduce yourselves. Please hold your applause until everyone has introduced themselves.

· Our technical director is Marie Benoit Our musicians are Nancy Strickland on keyboard Ken West on guitar and banjo Charlie Wilson on guitar Michael Aranda on percussion Mike Murphy on drums Gordon Strickland who along with Brent is our sound and electrical tech And I'm Sarah Raup

· We'd like to thank Suzette Lindemuth and the Center for Ageless Living for hosting us in this beautiful setting. And many thanks to Chef Josh and the staff of the Green House Bistro for catering our delicious dinner. And to Denise Viviyay who coordinated our appearance here.

· Finally, thank you all so much for coming. In case you'd like to speak to any members of the cast or crew they're now going right down here in front of the stage to say goodbye and thank you again for coming to Roundhouse Rock.

· Good night! Drive safely!