Actor comes out with one of those vaudeville-type cards that announce acts, and puts it on an easel. Someone will change it before each act, as shown below.

1. Good afternoon!  We are the Mansion Players of Valencia County and we are happy to be here at ____________________ to share some musical memories from past decades with you.

First, though, we need a little help from you.  You see, our group needs a name.  We've got some suggestions here, and we'd like you to help us choose one.

First, I'll give you our suggestions, and then you can either choose one of ours, or even come up with a new one! We're proud of being active senior citizens, so we wanted a name that would reflect our age, but also say that we rock!

Here are some ideas we had: (different actors call each of these out, explaining "Mamas and Papas" if necessary :) )

· The Rockin' . . Chairs

· Rockers with Walkers

· The Grateful -- to Not Be -- Dead

· Old Hippies with New Hips

· The Na-Nas and the Pa-Pas  (Mamas and Papas as grandparents, get it?)

·  The Who??

What do you think?  Any other ideas?  What's your favorite? Do we need to take a vote?

And now, the  (whatever name the audience chose)  are going to take you back in music to some wonderful decades from the past. We'll play several of the many types of music that flourished back then. And we'll also be making some changes to the song lyrics to make them more appropriate for us here today.  We'll either make the song more relevant to New Mexico, or we'll make it more relevant to senior citizens, or maybe both!

(Might leave the following bullet points out, since they're kind of long and not really necessary.)

· We'll start with a standard pop tune from the early 1950s, the days of Perry Como and Dinah Shore, well before rock-and-roll made an appearance.

· And we'll follow that with one of the best-known songs the folk-singing era of the late 50s and early 60s.

· Then we'll do a couple of classic songs from the early days of rock-and-roll.         

· Next it's the British invasion of the 1960s, with a Beatles classic.

· But the English bands weren't the only thing going on in the 60s.  How about that great Motown sound? We're going to perform as one of the greatest girl-groups of that time -- and of all time.

· And we're even going to try a little heavy metal.

· Then we'll go the other way and do a happy Broadway tune from one of the blockbuster musicals of the 50s and 60s by Rogers and Hammerstein

· As we move into the 1970s, first we're going with a country-western song by the late great Merle Haggard.

· Then we'll bring you a rhythm-and-blues song from the 70s that was a huge hit for the late, great Tina Turner.

· And we'll finish up with the new disco sound that became popular later in the 70s.  We'll be singing one of the most popular songs from that era, and it's an audience-participation number, so we hope you'll get involved.

And now here we go: 

2. Let's start with the 1950s.

Can you remember back before there was such a thing as rock-n-roll?  When the singers were mostly talented individuals, rather than 4- or 5-member bands or groups.  Do names like Perry Como, Dinah Shore, Eddie Fisher, and Nat King Cole ring a bell? 

We're going to do a song from that time in the early 1950s -- back when the singer Dean Martin worked as a team with comedian Jerry Lewis -- remember them? They made several wildly popular movies together, and in one of them Dean Martin  introduced one of his biggest and most enduring hits.

Of course, Dino played an Italian in that movie, just like he himself was in real life, and so the song was an Italian-themed song -- "That's Amore".   And that was very appropriate for a movie set in New York.  But we don't have a large Italian population here in New Mexico, so we've changed the song lyrics so they refer to something we do have.

(1 guy, maybe able to do a Dino impression?)

http://gnstrickland.com/OldFolkSongs/Guacamole.mp4

For .. a .. snack that is nice    

Take my advice:

Guacamole.

People love that green slush

so there can't be too much

Guacamole.

To un-wind

Pair it with some wine

Try it any time

And you'll find

It's "muy bueno"

But take care

Hidden here and there

Fiery little squares

So beware:

Jalapeño!

When you take that first bite

In your happy delight

You'll shout "olé!"

With a beer in one hand

That big evening you planned

Is all set!

Though you really do love it 

Can't get enough of it

Eat slowly

Or else what you'll get           

Is digestive upset

From   Guacamole

3. Ah, those wonderful folk songs of the later 50s, and the great hootenanny sing-alongs we used to do. 

Might be a little harder to sing along today, since it's tough to remember all the words, right?  No problem here, though, because we are not going to sing the original words to this song, so of course you're not expected to remember them.  These words were written by Tom Rush, and as it happens, the topic of this song is also about the problems involved in remembering things these days.

(1 guy, can either use a girl for the 6th verse or he can do it in falsetto)

http://gnstrickland.com/OldFolkSongs/Memory.mp4

GUY:

Well, I'm looking for my wallet and my car keys

They cannot have gone too far

Just as soon as I find my glasses I'm sure that

I'll see just where they are

Well, I'm supposed to meet someone for lunch today

but I can't remember where

or who it is that I am meeting

And my calendar has vanished in thin air.

I might have left it on the counter       

or maybe outside in the car

The last time I remember driving

Was to that memory enhancement  seminar

What's that far off distant sound?

It's a strangely familiar tone.

Must be the person I am meeting

calling on my lost cell phone

That I left under the covers or maybe even

outside on the lawn

But after one more ring

I'm thinkin' that my voice mail will come on

(spoken)

"Hi, this is    (guy singer's name)     and your call means a lot to me so leave a message at the tone."

GIRL or falsetto, whiney, pouty, about-to-cry voice:

        Hello,     (guy's name)      this is     (girl's name)

        and I'm trying not to cry

        I've been waiting for an hour

        I thought you loved me. But now this is goodbye.

GUY:

Well, her voice sure sounded very familiar

And the name did ring a bell

Let's see now where was I

(8 measures in F, then 1 measure of C, 1 measure of G)

. . . Oh, well.

4. I know you remember the Everly Brothers' classic song "Bye Bye Love".  Well, our own  "Elderly Brothers" here have their own version.  Picture this, someone looks down at his or her toes, and realizes that they can no longer be seen, as they are hiding behind an expanding waistline.  That person might sing this lament:

(2 guys, tight E-bros type harmony if possible)

http://gnstrickland.com/OldFolkSongs/ByeByeLove.mp4

Bye bye toes!

Hello, spreading waist

You're such a disgrace

I feel like I could cry

Good bye,  my toes, good bye!

I'm through with diets

I'm through with the gym

I'm through with worry

'Bout the shape I'm in

And here's the reason

That  I'm so free

I've stopped denying

Reality.

(So I say)

Bye bye toes!

Hello, spreading waist

You may be out of place

But I'm not gonna cry

Good bye,  my toes, good bye!

5. It is not possible to talk about the birth of rock and roll in the 50s without mentioning The King. 

Our version of this Elvis classic is a version of a version written by W.C. Thomas, and it comments on a situation some of you may have run into:  when our children, mostly with the best of intentions, worry too much and assume we're much less capable than we really are.  Sometimes they even seem to be kind of "pushing us" along into old age.

You know, you have -one- little mess-up, and they think you've gone senile.  And then they over-react.

(1 guy who can sound like Elvis)

http://gnstrickland.com/OldFolkSongs/Heartbreak.mp4

Well since I . . . rolled my pickup

My kids found a new place for me

It's out in Valencia County in the

Heartbreak Assisted Living Facility

But I am only . . .

I'm way too young, kids,

Too young to live in a "facility"

I'm playin' lots of bingo
I get supper right at five
The place ain’t bad 'cept for one thing
No one ever gets out alive

But I am only

(spoken)

C'mon kids,

(sung)

I don't belong here

Cause I am only .. forty-five

(spoken)

Ya roll one lousy little pickup, and you'd think it was the end of the world.

6. And now on to the 60s.

I've found that as you get older, you get a little naughtier. 

Well, maybe not naughtier, but a little less likely to just always follow the rules.  Hey, once you hit seventy, some of the rules shouldn't apply any more, right?

Sometimes, I feel like I have a little good angel on this shoulder, and a little bad angel over here on the other, and of course they're both giving me conflicting advice.

It's kind of like being Diana Ross, in the middle of the Supremes (one comes out and stands on each side, with $Tree devil horns/angel halo; all 3 should have Supremes wigs if possible), and trying to decide who to listen to.

And one place they always start to bicker is when I go to one of those great (name of church, organization, or club if any) potluck dinners. 

You know what I mean. You're going down the table, and you spot that gorgeous chocolate cake. Right there.  Definitely not on your diet, but so tempting.  That's when it starts.

(3 girls, but only the 2 on either side sing. Diana in the middle doesn't. Two others sing to her, with appropriate gestures. When angel is singing, Diana turns to her and makes gestures/cocks her head showing reluctant concession, as in "Well, yeah". When devil is singing, Diana look at her and nods/gestures enthusiastically, as in "Good point!". )

http://gnstrickland.com/OldFolkSongs/Stop.mp4

(intro)

(good angel sings)

I see that you are looking at that cake

I bet you're wondering if your diet you should break

I'm telling you not to do it

(bad angel)

But I'm telling you: go to it!

(good angel)

Stop!

In the name of thin,

please do not break your diet.

(bad angel)

You won't eat enough to sin,

just a little bite to try it.

(good angel)

Remember yesterday

when you ate all that fudge

You said you'd make it up today

(bad angel)

No one's gonna judge

No one will ever know

(good angel)

Yes, they will 'cause ...

(obvious glance over and down at Diana's rear)

it'll show!

(good angel)

Stop! In the name of lard,

please don't give in and cheat.

(bad angel)

You're been working very hard,

you deserve a little treat.

 (both angels)

Think it over.

Think it over.

Think it over.

7. The British invasion of American pop. Remember that in the mid-60s? Suddenly everything from England was "in".

And of course the Beatles were the biggest group of all. So we're going to sing one of their classics that seems appropriate for former Beatles fans today.

(4 guys if possible, but can be as little as 1, and only one sings -- with a Liverpool accent, if possible)

http://gnstrickland.com/OldFolkSongs/64.mp4

When I was younger, and still had some hair
Several years ago
Back then I could still touch my knees
And I hardly ever wheezed

Back then I had hair to comb
Can't do that any more

But will you still choose to

love me like you used to
When I was only sixty-four

There was a time when I stayed up all night

And watched the sun arise
Now my evening activity

Is getting out of bed to pee

Used to read that tiny little print
Can't do that any more

But do you still choose to

love me like you used to
When I was just a child .. of sixty-four

8. In the late 60s, one branch of rock music took a dark turn when some bands moved into the world of "heavy metal" music.

Remember what some people call the "original" heavy metal song?  "Born to Be Wild", by Steppenwolf?  Well, "Born to Be Wild" means a little something different to people our age today.  We're still macho, mean, and tough and dangerous, of course, but the object of our destructive energy and killer aggressive instincts has changed.

http://gnstrickland.com/OldFolkSongs/Wild.mp4

Got my mower running

Fastest and the meanest

Neighbors will be jealous

Cause my lawn is the greenest

I'm the King of the Fertilizer

Crabgrass is my enemy

Goatheads and dandelions

Better watch out for me

Like a second childhood child

I was born,

Born to be wild

I get respect and fear

On my John Deere.

Born to be wild      

Born to be wild

Dogs avoid my yard now

When they want to do their 'biz-nass'

Cause word out on the street is

That I'm a real lawn bad-ass

I'm the guy weeds don't wanna mess with

I'll concrete the whole yard if I have to

Roundup is my middle name, got a

(show it)

"Weed Killer" tattoo

Like a second childhood child

I was born,

Born to be wild

Travlin' far and wide

Spreading herbicide

Born to be wild      

Born to be wild

(spoken)

You kids get off my lawn!

9. Have you noticed that, as you get older, your tastes change? You enjoy different things now, and in many cases, they're the simpler things in life. Here's one of the most famous Broadway and movie songs of all time, and it's about just that:

(could be 1 either sex, or 2 either sex who take turns on lines and/or verses. Probably want to sing the last line together, perhaps in harmony. Note that some lyrics may need to be changed depending on gender of singer.)

http://gnstrickland.com/OldFolkSongs/FavThings.mp4

Finding a parking space

Close to the door

Watching re-runs of Matlock

And browsing the Dollar Store

Lunch with my girlfriends                 [Golf with my buddies]

And chocolate for sure.

That's what I love now that I'm more mature

Finding my glasses                  

Right where I left 'em

When church gets out early 

On Sunday mornin'

Eating dessert first whenever I please

That's what I love now I'm past my fifties

If these small things               

Make you happy

Here is what I say

Do as many of them               

As you can fit in

As much as you can                

Each day

I don't get up early;                

I don't rush my breakfast

Don't have to fight traffic     

To get to the office

And I never worry about being fired

That's what I love about being retired

(spoken)

If you pay attention and count your blessings, you'll see that some of your favorite things happen -- all the time.

Just today, for example,

The vending machine

dropped two candy bars out

Found a ten-dollar bill   

I'd forgotten about

(mime fishing in your pocket and delightedly pulling it out)

And to top it all off, though I don't want to gloat,

I fin'lly located the T.V. remote. (melody up, hold hand up in triumph)

Do whatever                            

Makes you happy

And I think you'll find

You're not missing the past  

'Cause you're having a blast

And age is just a                      

State of mind.

10. Now let's move over to the country-western charts for one of the biggest hits of 1969, "Okie from Muskogee", by one of the biggest stars of outlaw country music ever: Mr. Merle Haggard. (he comes out)

And for the frosting on top of the cake, we're going to also bring out a duet partner for Merle: Miss Tammy Wynette (blonde teased wig).

(1 guy, 1 girl,)

http://gnstrickland.com/OldFolkSongs/Fogey.mp4

MERLE:

Now that I am old, people think I'm smarter

They ask to hear my wisdom, but all I know

Is "Life is like a roll of toilet paper.

The closer to the end, the faster it goes."

It's tough to be a fogey from Muskogee      

And it keeps getting tougher ever' yair  

Just recently I noticed that I'm missin'

Several teeth and dang near half my hair

TAMMY:

Met a guy at the Senior Citizens Center

So handsome that my heart began to soften

But he broke my illusion when he whispered

MERLE:

(flirty) "Hello, gorgeous. (confused) Do I come here often?"

TAMMY:

It's tough to be a fogey from Muskogee      

And it keeps getting tougher all the time

Hubby wants to name our ranch back forty

And  I  said we should call it "Pasture Prime"

MERLE:

I've named my toilet "Jim" in-stead of "John"

So far it's worked out quite well that way.

It's great to know that  I  am be-ing honest.

When I brag that I go to the Jim every single day.

It's tough to be a fogey from Muskogee    

And it keeps getting tougher; that's my fate.

I just can't stay up to party like I used to

Cause the older  I  get, the earlier it  gets late.

TAMMY:

I tried to take an aerobics class last summer

I bent and I twisted and I sweated till I needed a shower.

But by the time I got those leotards on

Dang class had been over for an hour

It's tough to be a fogey from Muskogee      

Tryin' to stay active playin' Pickle Ball

But I gave it up when  I finally realized

I'd never be as good  . . .  as a wall.

MERLE:

Now that I am old there is a question

"Is graceful aging an art?" I'm often asked

Don't know about that, but I can tell you one thing

Disgraceful aging  .. is a blast.

It's tough to be a fogey from Muskogee      

Cause I  am still waiting for when

"Old     enough to know better"

Finally gets around to kicking in

Merle:  A 60 year old billionaire goes to a bar to meet his friend, and brings along his beautiful 25-year old wife. While she's in the ladies' room, his friend turns to him and asks --

Tammy (or extra guy):  How'd you get someone like her to marry an old goat like you?
Merle:  I lied about my age
Tammy:  Did you say you were . . . 45?
Merle:  Heck, no! I said I was 97 . . . . and had a heart problem!     (Rim shot?)

MERLE:            

When you get old people seem to care less

And doctors aren't as helpful as before

Told mine I broke my arm in two places

And she just said

TAMMY:         

"Don't go to those places any more"

Tammy:  I met a man the other day who looked familiar, so I asked him "Excuse me, did you by any chance graduate from Los Lunas High?"

Merle:  Why, yes, I did!

Tammy:  What year did you graduate?

Merle:  1967
Tammy:  Oh, my goodness! I thought I recognized you. You were in my class!

Merle:  Oh, really? What subject did you teach?

(Rim shot? while Tammy does a double take--shock, then fury)

(back to song)

Tammy:

Every day I pray, "Please give me strength, Lord.

To avoid the people I hate with all my heart.

Gimme grace to run into the ones I like, Lord,

And the eye sight to tell the two apart."

BOTH:

It's tough to be a fogey from Muskogee      

Feeling all worn out with a body that is dated.

But we'll have smokin' hot bods again,   some day

Cause we told our kids we want to be cremated.

Thank you, Merle and Tammy. (If there's an extra guy, say "And you, too, there, Waylon.")

11. Now let's move on into the 70s. 

A few minutes ago we sang a song about the kind of thing that gets some men excited -- competitive lawn care and the "weed wars".  So now we're going to take a look at another daily activity -- one that appeals to a lot of women, too. Maybe you love this particular one as much as we do.

http://gnstrickland.com/OldFolkSongs/Wheel.mp4

Bout six-thirty in the evenin'

That's when I start to feel all right

Cause I know my favorite program is a-comin'

When I see . . Vanna White

Big wheel keep on turnin'

Pat Sajak gets me yearnin'

Spinnin', spinnin' on The Wheel of Fortune

Whenever I know the answer

I yell at my TV "Ask for an S".

"Don't waste your money buyin' a vowel"

(spoken by someone else, as the contestant)

"Um, is it a G?"

"Oh, good Lord ... What a stupid guess! "

Big wheel keep on turnin'

To win that vacation I'm yearnin'

Spinnin', spinnin' on The Wheel of Fortune

We were sorry to hear that it's going to be the end of an era at Wheel of Fortune, since Pat Sajak has announced he's retiring.  But we heard that Ryan Seacrest will be taking over, and we think that will work!

12. And now we've come to our last song, which is from the late 1970s -- the disco era! 

 Two things about this song:

· First of all, not all of you may agree with what the singer is saying, but I know that at least some of you -- like myself --  reacted exactly the way the singer did the first time he got "that letter". (Use air quotes.)

· Second, this is an audience-participation number, so please sing along and act out the gestures where you can.

· And now here they are:  "The Retirement Village People"

(As music starts, they come out in headgear: Indian, cop, motorcycle helmet/leather jacket, cowboy hat, construction hard hat.)

NOTE: Make the usual 'A' symbol with hands above head for the first two A's, then for R and P, turn to your left (it has to be backwards to you for the audience to read it correctly) and make a circle beside your head using your arms and stick your left leg out for R and back for P. 

(Need 3-5 guys for Village People, but only one needs to sing, though one guy for the first 3 and another guy for the last 3 verses would be better, and you could break it up even more if there are other singers.) 

http://gnstrickland.com/OldFolkSongs/AARP.mp4

Old man, you got a letter today

I said, old man, read it and see what they say

I said, old man, they have written before

So you know what they are looking for

They want you to join the A. A. R. P.      A. A. R. P.

They got a magazine

And two-for-one meals

They tell you you can get some great deals.

Why don't you join the A. A. R. P.          A. A. R. P.

Show your membership card

At the drugstore, they said,

You can get a discount on your meds

I don't want the neighbors to know   

I said,  I don't want my old age to show    And so

They'll only get what they're after

If they write me in a plain brown wrper

         Don't want it known I've joined the

         A. A. R. P.          A. A. R. P.

         Cause the A A R P

                                                             ()   |      |)

         (spell O L D out with  arms:  0   0__   0

         Means "O. L. D."  

                 (arms out

         How can this have happened

then in to chest)

         to me? 

I'm old enough for the A. A. R. P.       A. A. R. P.

That first letter you get

Is a shocker for shore

And it soon will be followed by more

You can't escape the A. A. R. P.    

13. All cast/crew come out.

· Thank you so much for inviting us here today.  We have a lot of fun doing this show and we hope you've had fun watching it.

· Our performers are:   (introduce selves, then joint bow)

· And I am _____________ your host.

· We are the Mansion Players of Valencia County.  Thanks again!